To my favorite guy.
"So how was it?"
That was the question I mostly get since I came home from Manila. I had a week to take a break from work (which supposedly wasn’t a break), experience the chaos of the country’s capital city, ride trains and force myself to fit in a sea of commuters, eat food and burn them as I cross really wide highways, but most primarily, to see one person I haven’t in the longest time.
No one ever understood me and the need to see you again. So I guess that question never really needed an answer, for it is only you and I who will ever understand, too. But just because the relationship is over, doesn’t mean everything is. For someone who hasn’t seen her loved one for about 2 years and 5 months, that week was all I would ever want. For someone who patiently waited, that week was the finish line. For someone who still hopes, that week was the light at the end of a dark tunnel. For someone who can’t let go, that week was the best effort to save the relationship.
It’s never easy moving on without proper closure, and all the more when you realize you really never want to move on. That week turned into days, then into hours, then into minutes, and our time together is up. It’s like either of us is dying. It hurts to have to say goodbye to someone whom you want to spend eternity with.
It’s a cliche, but again, thank you for everything. Thank you for wanting to see me too. Thank you for keeping your cool despite my mood swings. Thank you for patiently writing me (goodbye and apology) letters. Thank you for giving me a week to eat dinners with you, help you study for a test, enjoy an early morning Sausage McMuffin breakfast, hold your hand and hug you tight. Those are just some of the things we don’t normally do because we were always physically apart. I used to envy couples who see each other everyday, but I realized, I am so much grateful for what we have had. For it is only the toughest who can survive this kind of relationship. We may have not lasted long, but 5 years isn’t that short too! I will forever be thankful for the opportunity of having you, even for a very short time. Just proves the time we were apart didn’t matter much at all.
I’d also like to apologize for the hurt I’ve caused you. I admit I am one to blame. And I’m really sorry because I am not a ‘perfect girlfriend,’ nor will I ever be. I’m so sorry for the shortcomings I have done. I know I could have been better.
I hope you enjoyed the short time we had together. I hope you’ll always remember them. I hope it isn’t the very end. I hope we’ll see each other again.
You always say that no one knows the future. But have you ever thought that when we were yet starting, all we ever needed was a decision? We never really thought of tomorrow. I even remember you liked the song ‘Now’ because we didn’t really ‘know if this is forever.’
To my favorite guy, I know I still have a lot of things to say. And though it seems I haven’t spoken a lot when we met, I hope I have at least shown them to you.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable." -C.S. Lewis
Your eyes. I will miss them looking at me, and still in love.
These shoes are made for walking. But they pose on pictures too. #ShoeSelfie #sunday (at Cebu Philippines Temple)
I am 10 days close into meeting you again, seeing you for the first time in 29 months. Time flies so fast. This is it. Then, one week will pass by swiftly too and before I know it, you’ll be gone forever.
I just want to enjoy the remaining days that we have. Do the things which we never did when we were younger. I don’t want to regret anything while we still have each other. I don’t want to miss you so bad after we part.
Please, even for the last time. Let me love you.